LIZ & ANISH'S WEDDING
LINDSAY'S "BEST MAN" SPEECH
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Lindsay, Anish’s best friend since he was 11, and practically the adopted son of the Patel family. I spent so much time at his house when I was growing up, I even ended up thinking I was Indian. Suresh and Ranjan have been like second parents to me, and it is with an infinite amount of pride that I too call them mum and dad. And for those of you who do recognize me, you may well remember me with a little more hair, and my teenage party piece - Maru nam Lindsay che - which Anish’s gran taught me, and which to this day, I haven’t been able to forget.A lot has been said about the bride already today, but I’d like to say just a little more. Liz, you’re looking absolutely stunning. I think the word is radiant. Anish, you are indeed a lucky man!
Now let’s get down to business, folks. We have all come here today from far and wide to celebrate the marriage of this happy couple, and to share in the love, the beauty and the friendship which is generated by their union. It is with this in mind, my friends, that I just want to say a few words to you this evening.Anish never actually asked me to make this speech. It was kind of taken for granted over the years that I would be up here now. Like I’ve said, I’ve known Anish for almost twenty years now, and in that time I’ve seen him go from a chubby little Indian kid with massive ear lobes to…..a chubby Indian doctor with a massive ear lobes. No seriously, even though I’ve known for the last twenty years that one day I’d be making this speech, I still find myself feeling deeply honoured to be up here, and all I desire is to do him justice on this, his special day.
Like I said, I’ve had the privilege of knowing Anish for two thirds of my life, from back in the day at Whitgift school, South Croydon - the source of so much angst and tribulation, but the place where, thanks to our parents’ sacrifices, we got the education that has enabled us to become what we are today. The pride that Suresh and Ranjan have in their sons is incredible, and is an inspiration to us all.When I say the name ANISH what images automatically spring into your minds? For many of you, it will be the gigantic earlobes - the trademark Patel family heirloom; for others, it will be the Whitgift nickname, FAT PAT which kind of stuck, blighted only recently perhaps by the fact that Anish is no longer, well, err fat. Well maybe still only a bit….
For others of you, it will be his complete and utter lack of a sense of direction. I mean, ladies and gentlemen, this is the only man I know who can get lost in Beddington! Give him an A - Z, or even, better still, even an ATLAS, and Anish’ll still get lost.For others of you, he’s the football - mad, cheeky chappy, mock South Londoner, with River Island shirts, receiving the latest football scores on his mobile and a pint (sometimes quite literally) attached to his hand….
For others of you still, he is the caring, compassionate psychiatrist, full of professional integrity and empathy for the suffering of others, a man dedicated to helping make life better for those who need it.All of us here today know and love Anish for some or perhaps all of these aspects of his personality. Each of us has our own way or ways of seeing him. But just by being himself, Anish enriches our lives and shows us what it means to be a wonderful human being. What is this, I hear you cry? How much has he paid you to say all this? (The answer, if you must know, is free medical care for life.) No, seriously, is he a saint or an angel? Well, perhaps a bit of both. And the way I see it, if there is a God, he’d probably want to add a bit of colour in heaven!
Anish is one of Nature’s gentlemen; he is one of those rare human beings whom people genuinely count themselves truly blessed and fortunate to know. To put it simply, Anish is not only the kindest, but also the nicest guy I know.From Cedars Road, Beddington to Onslow Court, Worthing, via Leicester, Thornton Heath, Birmingham, India, New Zealand and of course South Croydon, Anish has come a long way. And you, his friends and family, have been there to witness that journey.
Now I’ve had quite a while to think about what I was going to say today. I have to confess, I was at one stage toying with the idea of standing in front of you this evening and trotting out the formulaic "love is blind, love sees no colour," politically correct mantra - you know - the usual plethora of sanctimonious, "feel good" multicultural platitudes. But I don’t really believe that, so I’m not going to.Let’s not be disingenuous and beat around the bush. Of course love sees colour. Anish is brown and Liz is white. And, may I add, what a beautiful shade of brown and a beautiful shade of white they are too! But we, as human beings, must not limited by our colour, or our ethnicity, or our religion, or our culture. Don’t get me wrong. They are certainly hugely important factors in our lives. And it is vital to be anchored in one’s culture and one’s race for a proper knowledge and understanding of oneself. You can’t move forward in life if you don’t know where you’re from. I for one have found this out - my dad is from Cape Town in South Africa. And as Anish knows, my life only really made sense to me when I went and saw where he was from. The French have this great phrase. "Bien à l’aise dans sa peau" which literally means " to be at ease in your skin". And you can only be "at ease in your skin" if you know where you’re coming from.
But those things do not have to wholly define us. There is more to all of us that the colour of our skin, the number of poppadums or the amount of scones and clotted cream we eat. There is more to us than the language we speak or the name of the god (or gods) we worship. There’s what we have in our minds, our souls and the love we have in our hearts, and that’s what truly counts. That’s what we should let define us as people, not the vagaries of things that are totally outside our control from birth. You can’t choose your colour, any more than you can choose the religion into which you’re born. But you can choose who you love. And Anish and Liz chose to love each other.When I was thinking about this speech, I decided I wasn’t going to shy away from tackling some big questions. Like the nature of love. And dare I say it, mixed marriages. I promised myself that I would be honest, and try and address the questions that are probably on all our lips and in our hearts. What makes us want to commit the rest of our lives, the rest of our time on planet earth, to one person, especially when that person comes from outside our race, our religion and our culture?
Anish and Liz have come this far by being honest, both with themselves and with others, by being committed to the truth and by being committed to each other. So the way I figure it, the least I can do in return is to be honest. Don’t worry Anish- I can see a look of trepidation spreading across your face. Relax, man! Your secret is safe with me - you know, those videos you used to watch…..I’m not gonna say a word!So why do we do it, ladies and gentlemen? Why do we pick one person alone from the crowd, from the hundreds of thousands of potentially available partners out there, each searching for their own slice of happiness? After much thought and deliberation, the answer I reckon is simple.
That feeling of completeness, that feeling of almost cosmic serenity, and idyllic, perfect happiness you can get in the arms of the person you love, and who you know loves you for you, with all their heart. That’s why people do it. That’s why people choose to step outside of the comfort zone of their race, or religion or culture. Because they are lucky enough to find their "soul brother or their soul sister" - someone who, with apologies to Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire and Plato in the Symposium, completes them. Someone who makes them feel whole again. Someone who rejuvenates their spirit, someone who connects with their heart. And in Liz Anish has found that person.Besides, they are two people who love each other immensely, and are both profoundly committed to each other’s happiness. That love, that pure friendship and that joy which they effortlessly radiate in each other’s company, is so infinitely precious that it should never be taken for granted, wherever it is found, and is worth infinitely more than any cultural or racial homogeneity can or could ever be.
I firmly believe that love is the animating principle of the universe. And when human beings give love and receive love, they can achieve anything in the world. Love protects, love unites, love strengthens, love ennobles. In short, without wishing to sound like lyrics from a Beatles song or like I’m speaking at a hippy convention, love is the key to pretty much everything in this universe.Everyone knows that kids from mixed - race marriages are beautiful - if you need any further proof, just look at me - but marriage is not just about children. (Although I have heard Anish’s dad saying recently that he needs some help at the Wavy Line store.) Marriage, as I understand it, is about sacrifice, tolerance, selflessness and most importantly, it’s about changing together.
Every day, as we are constantly being bombarded by headlines, it is obvious to us all that we live in a changing world. Every day, the certainties that we have clung to for comfort over the years are rapidly being eroded. Tomorrow beckons with alacrity, and the past is already a foreign country. The old certainties are now no longer our certainties. The pillars of our parents’ universe are now not the pillars we cling to in times of trouble. Suresh and Ranjan read the Hindu holy books, and Anish, well, Anish reads FHM and Viz magazine.But amidst the change and the transience, true love can unite us and give us hope and the strength to carry on along life’s road. Being with someone who makes you feel whole, makes you feel like the human being you were born to be. Makes you feel like you can accomplish anything in the world just because they are by your side. And in Liz I sincerely believe that Anish has found that person. In fact I more than believe, I know.
I hope that Anish and Liz never lose sight of their goal: Life changes people, that we all know. But in an ever changing world, they must try and change together. And place their love for each other as their key focus.They know and we know, that it’s not always going to be easy. Hell, organising this wedding hasn’t been EASY. And in many respects it is a miracle that we are here at all. But it’s not about easy. It’s about right. I remember telling Anish over the years, he’d regret it for the rest of his life if he let the love of his life go because of reasons outside his control. Because for Anish, loving Liz is RIGHT. And RIGHT has to be good.
So here’s to Anish and Liz and any children they may have, (I have a sneaking suspicion that if it’s a boy, he’s gonna be called Bobby .. Bobby Patel, - what a wicked name). May they take the best from both worlds, and be welcomed equally by both.The future is what they choose to make it. And they are choosing to make a future together, uniting two cultures and two families. Both come with open hearts and minds, both come with respect, both come with love. And that’s a recipe for happiness if ever there was one.
Back at school, Anish and I used to study Latin together when we were in the fifth form, taking our GCSEs. I remember it to this day. Our teacher was a guy called Bob McGrath, room 28 on the upper corridor, next to the Classical Sixth classroom. And it was there that I think we learnt one of the most important lessons we’ve ever learnt in life. We were reading the Roman poet Virgil and his famous poem the Aeneid. And one of the best lines we ever learnt was from Book Ten, a line which left an impression on us at the time, as hopelessly romantic 16 year olds, but which now, with hindsight, seems to have stuck with Anish over the years:I don’t think Virgil was talking about Hollywood love - you know, the schmaltzy, slushy type of love we see in the movies, or for that matter I don’t think he was talking about lust, or physical passion. Lust fades and dies… But then I suppose there’s always Viagra…. and what with Anish being a doctor, I’m sure he can get his hands on as much as he needs…..
"Omnia vincit amor." - Love conquers all.
"Et nos cedamus Amori" - Let us too give in to Love.
No, I think Virgil was talking about an all-consuming spiritual love, the type of love that permeates the very marrow of your being, that seeps throughout your body and deep into your soul, when you adore someone so much that you would want their well being infront of your own. Two individuals loving beyond themselves, not for themselves.By yielding to Love’s power, as Anish and Liz have done, they are recognising a force greater than themselves. A force greater than their respective differences. The one force that makes us truly human, and which celebrates our humanity, Love.
Today, Anish and Liz are taking their first steps upon the road of marital life and conjugal harmony. It is a road which we all hope will lead to a lifetime spent loving and caring for each other. If love is the animating principle of the universe, as I am inclined to believe, then their universe is very, very animated. The love which they share is so precious because it is so rare.For Anish and Liz, the journey of married life which they are embarking upon today starts right here. I am sure that it is going to be a truly wonderful journey. Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends of Anish and Liz, I would like you all to stand and raise your glasses, and to join me in toasting the happy couple with the words: "Omnia vincit amor" - "love conquers all". Because in its truest, most honest and purest form, like the love that Anish and Liz have for each other, it can, it does, it has and it will.
Ladies and gentlemen, "Omnia vincit amor."
